21 Days – Role Adjustment & Discipline Training

What did these crazy kids go and do?

My husband and I are both very sexual creatures.  If one thing has been consistently great in our relationship, it is definitely our sex life.  We share a trust that plays into our ability to openly communicate sexually.

As we embark on our new journey, I find that the need to feel his control and be guided by him is instinctively driven by my sexuality.  I don’t find that submission hinders upon sex, I feel as though the freedom of allowing myself to openly live a lifestyle that I deeply desire leads to complete freedom sexually.  If I find it ridiculously hot when he tells me sternly, “watch your tone,” I don’t have to feel bad about that!  If his taking the time and energy to stimulate me mentally and physically while acting as a disciplinarian is arousing, why should I deny that?  If submitting to his desires, enhancing his masculine drive, and allowing him control is bad, why does it feel so good?

It isn’t bad and I don’t have to feel bad about it.  I won’t ever flaunt it.  You won’t find me in public overtly dramatizing my choice to submit to my husband.  The feelings I have within me are secure and devoid of the need to prove myself to others outwardly.

We decided after returning from vacation recently that we seemed to be bumbling along, and taking two steps forward and one step back.  It was hard after 10 years to adjust to roles that were quite different.  We were used to blatantly disrespecting each other at times, and old habits die hard.  Through my journal, I suggested we try a more dedicated approach.

Some refer to it as Domestic Discipline Boot Camp.  I prefer “Role Adjustment.”  It sounds less scary.  No matter what you call it, the thought was conceived after reading a lot of information and deciding that no single formula will work, or should try to be forced to work, for every couple.

A great resource for people looking for unbiased and non-judgmental information on the topic of DD is A Domestic Discipline Society.   http://adomesticdisciplinesociety.blogspot.com.  I enjoyed reading the article published that discusses Domestic Discipline Boot Camp, the origins and the actual suggestions that are made by the woman who originally penned this piece.  (If you want to skip the origins, scroll down a bit for the  Boot Camp details.) http://adomesticdisciplinesociety.blogspot.com/2012/10/dd-boot-camp-revealed.html

MrBBSpanker explains that the Boot Camp described within this article is one of the most extreme he has ever heard of.  It probably is quite extreme for some, especially those who are just starting out.  I sent the article over to JP, he perused.  I suggested that we do something similar to this, with some adjustments.  I never wanted to feel incredibly degraded, just the opposite.  In order for me to begin to receive his respect, I needed to begin to get used to behaving in a manner that was worthy of respecting.

We have also used this time to test implements, both for effectiveness and pain metering purposes.  I found the pain tolerance ladder from MrBBSpanker to be an extremely effective tool for communicating to JP the intensity of the implement and the strike.  That article can be found here: http://adomesticdisciplinesociety.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-tolerance-ladder.html#more  Saying, ” 2-5,”  after an implement impacts your tender regions, is a lot easier than something vague. Instead of something like,  “It was kinda bad, but not unbearable.   Like, um, the last one, but stingier…” a scale gives you both a way to quantify the ouch-factor of each strike with consistency.

As we have moved through the 21 day process (currently on day 9), it appears that we are becoming much comfortable with the blend of sexuality as it relates to DD.  I am not owned, I am not his slave.  I am his “good girl,” and I act like it.  I confess to the things that I think he needs to know to help guide me…he disciplines (or doesn’t) how he sees fit.  In the midst of that, we don’t pretend that the sexual chemistry and spark isn’t there and we don’t deny it.  When he tells me to get on my knees, I happily comply because this is what I want and not because I am being forced or need to be humiliated.  Positioning myself so that I can stare into his eyes and suck his cock after he has told me to do so is more of a turn on than I could ever imagine.  Thanking him for my maintenance spankings and for punishing me when I have broken a rule or shown disrespect is freeing and feels incredibly natural.  I am thankful for his time, patience and guidance.  I am thankful that I have a way to admit to having messed up and I don’t have to deny that I was wrong, I just submit to the discipline that helps me be a more thoughtful and productive person.

So, as the 21 days winds on I, HumbledPink, am incredibly glad we decided to have a Role Adjustment period.  It hasn’t been 100% free of issues.  We even had to have a “reset” session several days ago to completely re-establish our roles after we both handled a situation poorly.  It was a bit painful (but necessary, completely). The point is that we did  reset, it worked well and we can trust that in times of trouble, we are both committed to each other and a life that brings us peace.

Truthfully, I will be sad when these 21 days are over.  But, I guess they don’t have to end.



3 thoughts on “21 Days – Role Adjustment & Discipline Training

  1. So glad this is working for you! There will definitely be bumps along the way, and I’ve read all too much about the “coming and going like the tides” of DD in a relationship. This community is so supportive, though, and we all encourage and advise one another to stick with it.

    I also happen to find it ridiculously hot when my husband tells me to watch my attitude, and, you’re right, there is nothing wrong with that. Being turned on by your husband is one of the many nice side effects of DD 🙂



    • This was so great to hear, Autumn! I think I needed this more than ever today!

      It has been a rough week. A lot of adjustments and some setbacks. I will definitely check out your blog and would love to hear how you deal with the “tides” of DD.

      Feeling alone in the lifestyle is never fun and I am so thankful that you responded, can relate and thatI am not just wasting my words.

      Take care!



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